Our greatest teachers are those closest to us like our husband, wife, sister, brother, mother, father, children, friend, boss and etc. Each relationships is designed to teach us something at a particular point in life.
Over the last little while I’ve committed to practicing self-love daily so as to help my relationships flourish across all areas of my life. When my relationships are flourishing, there is flow, fun, and freedom being in them. And it becomes easier to navigate the challenges as they arise.
This is important to me because I know that the relationship I have with myself ultimately gets reflected in all my other relationships.
If we want to make relationships a easier, meaningful and loving, then we need to acknowledge this key fact:
“The quality of my relationship with another person is determined by the quality of the relationship I have with myself.”
So I like to follow and practice these 5 qualities daily:
1. RESPECTED OPENNESS: is about being honest and open with yourself about what you want, without judgement guilt or pressure. It’s about respecting and honouring what is important to you and following through with what you want. Not merely wishing, hoping or dreaming but prioritising, asking and actioning. Some key questions to ask yourself to embody this quality are:
How can be more honest with myself?
Where am I denying myself something?
What am I tolerating?
Where am I not listening to myself?
How can I acknowledge what is going on for me without judgment, blame, shame or guilt?
How can I create space to be imperfect and surrender to pain and crying when I need to?
2. WITNESSING: is about willingness to surrender, let go of attachments and expectations, drop blame and judgment and be present by truly witnessing what is going on. Let yourself off the hook and see what happens.
To practice witnessing ask:
- Where am I putting pressure on myself? When am I putting pressure on someone else to be something or do something because of my own expectations?
- When you experience this pressure, judgment, blame or expectations where do you feel it in your body. Notice and witness it. And be glad you did.
- How does that transform how you feel about yourself?
3. CREATIVE FLOW: is about being more often in a state of alignment, purpose and fulfilment. It’s about doing more often what resonates or connects with you and dropping the things in your life which make you feel heavy. If something makes you feel whole, inspired and excited that’s a sign that you’er probably on the right track. If it’s heavy, tense, uneasy, then listen to that and change the course of your path. Your emotions are powerful information. When we do this more often, we start to fill our cup and let go of the expectation that others need to do something for us. So take an inventory by asking yourself:
- How can I create more flow in my life?
- What gives me joy, fun, inspiration?
- When can I prioritise time to do something which brings me joy?
- If I’m truly honest, what do I need from myself which I’m seeking from my partner or someone else?
4. GRACEFUL COMMUNICATION: is about speaking with awareness and openness about your real feelings and thoughts but not from your feelings and thoughts. In other words, do your best to not reacting or deflect. When are graceful we are more specific and precise about what we want to say and how we say it because we not caught up in our emotions. So next time you need to have talk to someone about what is really going on:
- Give yourself the time and space to say what you want to say. Don’t overthink it.
- Be real and vulnerable. There is no prescription to how you need to say something if it comes from your heart.
- Witness what you’re feeling, then express it in words.
The more we practice these qualities, the more we strengthen and deepen our self-love muscles! You can look to these qualities to shift your perspectives, and when you shift your perspective you shift how you feel about something and how you act. And the quality of you action will determine the quality of your outcomes, results and success.
When we truly commit and stay present to being more self-loving, we are empowered to change our behaviours to what is going on are more in control the kind of life we have.