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right kind of anger

The Power of the Right Kind of Anger

How do you get angry?

Do you let it build up and then blow up?

Smile through it? Common amongst women.

Do you clear your throat because you want to say something but find it hard to express what you truly feel and think?

These are all defences to anger. And at some point we’ve each experienced a defensive reaction in response to anger.

Now, let’s be fair to our defences. When they were initially formed their purpose was to protect us from being further hurt or overwhelmed either by a person, event or our own emotions.

But usually we end up having defensive reactions well past their initial need which end up hurting us.

Anger is a basic primary emotion and it’s important just like all the other emotions. It helps us to take action, speak up and make changes.

But anger is not aggression. People can often confuse the two which is part of the reason why some people find it hard to express anger: they associate it with a threat to their emotional or physical safety because of how anger was expressed, or not expressed, in their family home while growing up.

It’s challenging to feel into the intensity of our anger.

The power of truly feeling our anger is at the core of being able to feel into our passion, true identity and what we value and believe in. It’s acting on that and speaking from that place. 

Denying our anger is denying our identity, our voice, and passion for life. It is fuel for change.

So how do we feel into our anger? 

To feel our anger is to feel into the energy of anger. We need to sensations and the emotion itself.

We need to notice, feel and sense when anger arises, where it travels, where is expands and where and if it fizzles out. It means staying with anger and feeling into every bit of it.

You may notice that anger arises in your stomach, the solar plexus region. It may then expand into your chest and throat. Legs can also feel activated as can other parts of your body.

For some anger may stop in the throat and feel like it’s blocked which is why some people have the need to clear their throat. It helps them to manage this block.

Once we sense anger, the trick is not to try to get rid of it, push it out, scream it out, breathe it out vigorously or cry it out.

Although these tools can be helpful in managing anger they won’t help you learn how to purposefully use the energy of anger because the energy of anger would have dissipated. In other words, you would have lost fuel.

When we feel anger, the idea is to expand it into every part of our body. 

This  may seem initially counter-intuitive but when we use our whole body as a container for our emotions, rather than just one small portion of the body, it becomes easier to tolerate intense emotions and even stay with them for longer.

This approach is based on Integral Somatic Psychology developed by Dr Raja Selvam. I’m grateful for this training because it’s an accelerated approach to working with your emotions.

When we learn to expand our emotions, we notice that some situations don’t seem to affect us the way they one used to.

Initially, this expansion of anger, or any other emotion for that matter, positive or negative, can feel overwhelming. Essentially we are practicing gradual exposure to something which feels unpleasant or bad.

If you would like to learn more about this approach or even be guided through it to help you better experience and express your emotions, feel free to contact me and we can have a chat to see if this approach is right for you.

Remember, when we can be present in who we are we can truly be in our power and on purpose. Embodying our emotions will help us do just that. This is the way forward.

It’s All Part of the Journey

It’s been quite an interesting time of late!

Over the last month I’ve given myself time and space to integrate challenging emotional shifts.

I felt like I was being dealt a deck of difficult cards and I wanted to understand the rules and get on with with living my life because that’s what I do.

I wanted to grow and integrate these intense emotions quickly because I like to name my elephants and move on!

A client and I were sharing yesterday how growth, in expansive phase, can feel addictive. We love it because we feel powerful whereas contraction is something we tend to resist and usually avoid.

Contraction is when we need to slow down to integrate, feel, express and experience those intense emotions.

When we are contracting or in a state of “I don’t know what is going on or why I’m feeling what I’m feeling” we can’t see much further beyond what we are experiencing.

And just as well because when we are contracting we need to let go of what is out there and surrender to contraction or “shedding shit”-  a phrase we came to use often at our last level 2 retreat. Needless to say it was embraced by everyone! (Level 2 is a retreat for women who’ve attended The Empowered Woman Retreat ).

Contraction is important for our well-being and journey. It helps us heal and gives us insight into the next part of our journey.

But we don’t like it because we don’t like not knowing and feeling the intensity of our negative emotions.

And like with anything we don’t understand we seek to understand  by asking questions such as:

  • What does this mean?
  • What do I need to do?
  • What should I do?
  • How do I stop this or get out of this?

Staying in the question is important but challenging because it means asking but not doing. 

We ask these questions because it’s an in-built part of our growth mechanism.

There is nothing wrong with this when it’s done patiently but we mostly want to hurry the process and by-pass the experiencing and expressing part of contraction.

Yet this very process is what helps us to reposition our power. It’s how we gain insight, derive meaning and awaken our potential.

Questioning and doubting are inherent part of these experiences. They go hand in hand and their role is to help us check-in and stay aligned with our truth.

But too much self-doubt is also not good as it can lead to depression, anxiety and apathy.

When we understand the role of doubt and questioning we don’t need to have a strong hold on it.

Acknowledge it and allow yourself to drop into it without having to have a hold on what it is. We are being asked to dive deep into darkness.

Stay in doubt but do so with trust. Know that doubt is essential.

Doubt is a gift of insight and it’s part of our inner guidance system. 

If you ready to integrate challenging and contracting times in your life, you’ll learn how to do that at The Empowered Woman Retreat. Together we will dive deep to reclaim and realign your truth and own your fears.

The early birds, ends soon. Join us for your unique powerful transformation. YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS HERE.

 

The Next Step

Most of us are good at understanding our emotions but unfortunately, we are not that great at experiencing and expressing what we feel. We know when we are angry, fearful or hurt and why it happened. And that’s great!

But what do you do with this?

If we don’t give ourselves permission to feel the emotion or express how we feel, then it leaks into all areas of our life. Anger left to simmer turns into resentment. Fear left unexpressed can turn into deep anxiety. Hurt left untouched can manifest in hostility. All very powerful emotions that continue to build in our lives and affect our relationships and prevent us from living our best lives.

So how can we stop this from happening?

We need to allow ourselves to firstly feel the emotion. It’s ok to feel these ‘negative’ emotions. Don’t brush it aside and move on. Feeling and reflecting are the key to firstly unlock the emotion. (If you missed my recent Masterclass on how to do this, you can watch the replay here).

The next step is to master your emotions.

By this I mean understanding how to turn your emotions around and lift that heavy feeling that gets lodged in your body when you hang on to emotions that do not serve you. When we master our emotions, it allows us the freedom to reconnect to ourselves. And that is truly liberating!

Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance is my new 6 week program that can help you do exactly this.

With a combination of self study and weekly access to me through live group calls you will learn how to:

  • Use emotions intelligently;
  • Understand the purpose of different emotions;
  • Better understand your emotions;
  • Express and experience your emotions;
  • Change your emotions;

Use reflection when trying to understand our emotions.

Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance

Program starts Wednesday 28 August, so grab your spot now!

I look forward to helping you lift the weight of your emotions so you can reconnect to the woman you are supposed to be.