Posts

right kind of anger

The Power of the Right Kind of Anger

How do you get angry?

Do you let it build up and then blow up?

Smile through it? Common amongst women.

Do you clear your throat because you want to say something but find it hard to express what you truly feel and think?

These are all defences to anger. And at some point we’ve each experienced a defensive reaction in response to anger.

Now, let’s be fair to our defences. When they were initially formed their purpose was to protect us from being further hurt or overwhelmed either by a person, event or our own emotions.

But usually we end up having defensive reactions well past their initial need which end up hurting us.

Anger is a basic primary emotion and it’s important just like all the other emotions. It helps us to take action, speak up and make changes.

But anger is not aggression. People can often confuse the two which is part of the reason why some people find it hard to express anger: they associate it with a threat to their emotional or physical safety because of how anger was expressed, or not expressed, in their family home while growing up.

It’s challenging to feel into the intensity of our anger.

The power of truly feeling our anger is at the core of being able to feel into our passion, true identity and what we value and believe in. It’s acting on that and speaking from that place. 

Denying our anger is denying our identity, our voice, and passion for life. It is fuel for change.

So how do we feel into our anger? 

To feel our anger is to feel into the energy of anger. We need to sensations and the emotion itself.

We need to notice, feel and sense when anger arises, where it travels, where is expands and where and if it fizzles out. It means staying with anger and feeling into every bit of it.

You may notice that anger arises in your stomach, the solar plexus region. It may then expand into your chest and throat. Legs can also feel activated as can other parts of your body.

For some anger may stop in the throat and feel like it’s blocked which is why some people have the need to clear their throat. It helps them to manage this block.

Once we sense anger, the trick is not to try to get rid of it, push it out, scream it out, breathe it out vigorously or cry it out.

Although these tools can be helpful in managing anger they won’t help you learn how to purposefully use the energy of anger because the energy of anger would have dissipated. In other words, you would have lost fuel.

When we feel anger, the idea is to expand it into every part of our body. 

This  may seem initially counter-intuitive but when we use our whole body as a container for our emotions, rather than just one small portion of the body, it becomes easier to tolerate intense emotions and even stay with them for longer.

This approach is based on Integral Somatic Psychology developed by Dr Raja Selvam. I’m grateful for this training because it’s an accelerated approach to working with your emotions.

When we learn to expand our emotions, we notice that some situations don’t seem to affect us the way they one used to.

Initially, this expansion of anger, or any other emotion for that matter, positive or negative, can feel overwhelming. Essentially we are practicing gradual exposure to something which feels unpleasant or bad.

If you would like to learn more about this approach or even be guided through it to help you better experience and express your emotions, feel free to contact me and we can have a chat to see if this approach is right for you.

Remember, when we can be present in who we are we can truly be in our power and on purpose. Embodying our emotions will help us do just that. This is the way forward.

It’s All Part of the Journey

It’s been quite an interesting time of late!

Over the last month I’ve given myself time and space to integrate challenging emotional shifts.

I felt like I was being dealt a deck of difficult cards and I wanted to understand the rules and get on with with living my life because that’s what I do.

I wanted to grow and integrate these intense emotions quickly because I like to name my elephants and move on!

A client and I were sharing yesterday how growth, in expansive phase, can feel addictive. We love it because we feel powerful whereas contraction is something we tend to resist and usually avoid.

Contraction is when we need to slow down to integrate, feel, express and experience those intense emotions.

When we are contracting or in a state of “I don’t know what is going on or why I’m feeling what I’m feeling” we can’t see much further beyond what we are experiencing.

And just as well because when we are contracting we need to let go of what is out there and surrender to contraction or “shedding shit”-  a phrase we came to use often at our last level 2 retreat. Needless to say it was embraced by everyone! (Level 2 is a retreat for women who’ve attended The Empowered Woman Retreat ).

Contraction is important for our well-being and journey. It helps us heal and gives us insight into the next part of our journey.

But we don’t like it because we don’t like not knowing and feeling the intensity of our negative emotions.

And like with anything we don’t understand we seek to understand  by asking questions such as:

  • What does this mean?
  • What do I need to do?
  • What should I do?
  • How do I stop this or get out of this?

Staying in the question is important but challenging because it means asking but not doing. 

We ask these questions because it’s an in-built part of our growth mechanism.

There is nothing wrong with this when it’s done patiently but we mostly want to hurry the process and by-pass the experiencing and expressing part of contraction.

Yet this very process is what helps us to reposition our power. It’s how we gain insight, derive meaning and awaken our potential.

Questioning and doubting are inherent part of these experiences. They go hand in hand and their role is to help us check-in and stay aligned with our truth.

But too much self-doubt is also not good as it can lead to depression, anxiety and apathy.

When we understand the role of doubt and questioning we don’t need to have a strong hold on it.

Acknowledge it and allow yourself to drop into it without having to have a hold on what it is. We are being asked to dive deep into darkness.

Stay in doubt but do so with trust. Know that doubt is essential.

Doubt is a gift of insight and it’s part of our inner guidance system. 

If you ready to integrate challenging and contracting times in your life, you’ll learn how to do that at The Empowered Woman Retreat. Together we will dive deep to reclaim and realign your truth and own your fears.

The early birds, ends soon. Join us for your unique powerful transformation. YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS HERE.

 

Power is not what you think it is

Power is an interesting word. Often when we think about someone who has power, or who is powerful we conjure imagery of someone who is in control, who has ability the do things the ‘average’ person can’t or has super human qualities.

What does power mean to you? Can you think of a time you felt powerful?

Power often feels like we’re in the driver’s seat of a situation or we have control over someone. I encourage you to broaden your thinking of power and find ways to incorporate it in a positive way into your life.

True power comes from within you. It stems from knowing exactly who you are, and what you stand for in any given situation. It’s not about control, it’s not about others. It’s about you.

To be powerful you need to be crystal clear on your values and understand how they impact your life. It’s about owning your flaws, your strengths and the accepting the unknowns.

When I think of powerful women, the movie Hidden Figures comes to mind. The women in this movie stand true to who they are no matter the prejudice they are faced. They know what they’re capable of but are also willing to be open to learn and stretch themselves.

From a leadership perspective, who do you think is powerful? Powerful leaders are not about the control they can wield. They show their power in beautiful, human centric ways. They are vulnerable. They are real and it is very clear exactly what their values are.

Jacinta Ardern is probably the most obvious powerful leader in current times. Her very authentic approach to leading her country, her compassion and ability to connect are powerful. There is no breast beating or manipulation in her version of power.

Feeling powerful is an individual thing and requires constant mindset work.

Do you accept your flaws? Are you ashamed of them? Does this lessen your self-esteem or power? In these times draw on the attributes of someone you think has power. Maybe it’s an aunt or uncle. Maybe a teacher. A media personality. When you’re in need of power can you embody that?

On day 2 of the Empowered Woman Live Retreat we focus on owning our power through thought provoking exercises. We also learn tools we can use in times that we need to centre and use our power.

I encourage you to watch this video if you’re interested in finding out more about what we achieve together on the Empowered Woman Live Retreat. Once we understand all the pieces to our puzzle, it helps us to live a life of purpose. You can join us in the journey here.