right kind of anger

The Power of the Right Kind of Anger

How do you get angry?

Do you let it build up and then blow up?

Smile through it? Common amongst women.

Do you clear your throat because you want to say something but find it hard to express what you truly feel and think?

These are all defences to anger. And at some point we’ve each experienced a defensive reaction in response to anger.

Now, let’s be fair to our defences. When they were initially formed their purpose was to protect us from being further hurt or overwhelmed either by a person, event or our own emotions.

But usually we end up having defensive reactions well past their initial need which end up hurting us.

Anger is a basic primary emotion and it’s important just like all the other emotions. It helps us to take action, speak up and make changes.

But anger is not aggression. People can often confuse the two which is part of the reason why some people find it hard to express anger: they associate it with a threat to their emotional or physical safety because of how anger was expressed, or not expressed, in their family home while growing up.

It’s challenging to feel into the intensity of our anger.

The power of truly feeling our anger is at the core of being able to feel into our passion, true identity and what we value and believe in. It’s acting on that and speaking from that place. 

Denying our anger is denying our identity, our voice, and passion for life. It is fuel for change.

So how do we feel into our anger? 

To feel our anger is to feel into the energy of anger. We need to sensations and the emotion itself.

We need to notice, feel and sense when anger arises, where it travels, where is expands and where and if it fizzles out. It means staying with anger and feeling into every bit of it.

You may notice that anger arises in your stomach, the solar plexus region. It may then expand into your chest and throat. Legs can also feel activated as can other parts of your body.

For some anger may stop in the throat and feel like it’s blocked which is why some people have the need to clear their throat. It helps them to manage this block.

Once we sense anger, the trick is not to try to get rid of it, push it out, scream it out, breathe it out vigorously or cry it out.

Although these tools can be helpful in managing anger they won’t help you learn how to purposefully use the energy of anger because the energy of anger would have dissipated. In other words, you would have lost fuel.

When we feel anger, the idea is to expand it into every part of our body. 

This  may seem initially counter-intuitive but when we use our whole body as a container for our emotions, rather than just one small portion of the body, it becomes easier to tolerate intense emotions and even stay with them for longer.

This approach is based on Integral Somatic Psychology developed by Dr Raja Selvam. I’m grateful for this training because it’s an accelerated approach to working with your emotions.

When we learn to expand our emotions, we notice that some situations don’t seem to affect us the way they once used to.

Initially, this expansion of anger, or any other emotion for that matter, positive or negative, can feel overwhelming. Essentially we are practicing gradual exposure to something which feels unpleasant or bad.

If you would like to learn more about this approach or even be guided through it to help you better experience and express your emotions, feel free to contact me and we can have a chat to see if this approach is right for you.

Remember, when we can be present in who we are we can truly be in our power and on purpose. Embodying our emotions will help us do just that. This is the way forward.

Empowered Conversations

verb: empower: make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

noun: conversation: a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.

Having conversations, talking and listening is part of what I do everyday. I ask questions, challenge and explore with my clients. These conversations are not always easy, but are needed for growth and to live a more fulfilled life.

When our conversations become empowered we feel uplifted, motivated and inspired. We become more aware of ourselves and others and are open to opportunities and personal growth.

Through empowered conversations we embody our vision and can enact change.

Imagine what would it be like if you could listen in on an empowered conversation regularly? Now you can!

I’ve just launched my Empowered Conversations Podcast. On the podcast I speak to some incredible people who have embraced their journey, learnt some tough lessons and come out the other side empowered humans.

Listen in on our conversations as we take you on a journey of your own personal growth and self-discovery.  My special guests have been open and honest in sharing their story and I know that they will inspire you to live a fuller and more meaningful life.

I choose them to be on the podcast because they are remarkable individuals.

From doctors to neuroscientists to small business owners, they all have an important message to share.

In fact, we all have a story and everyone’s story is worth sharing.

When we share our story and speak from our core we are destined to impact and uplift those who need it most.

Sharing our story also helps us understand what is truly important to us, to refocus on our purpose and reaffirm our vision.

I believe that words carry vibrations and energy, so I’m sure you’ll find listening to these Empowered Conversations a positive and inspiring experience that will leave an impression on your own personal journey.

Join me every week as I chat to my special guests in an unscripted, Empowered Conversation. You can listen and subscribe to Empowered Conversations on your favourite platform here.

Where to from here?

This morning, on my way to school drop-off,  I noticed how ordinary life seemed: kids returning to school, parents chatting to each other, others heading to work, streets bustling with cars and cafes filling up with people again. Life appeared like everything was back to normal.

But while things may look much the same, they feel very different. Something has been effaced. The energy of how things were, is no longer.

Life seems stranger and more mysterious. There is nothing to grip onto, to get a handle on, so as to say “Aaah yes, this is how things are now”.

Our minds are trying to make sense so that we can get on with life.

But what got us here isn’t going to help us move forward anymore.

We are so used to making sense from the outside in. When we are met with something, we course-adjust using external guidepost. We look for answers on the outside.

Those willing to make sense from within will learn to adjust, adapt and trust the change. I can see this from my clients. Those willing to recognise and own their defenses have a much more solid ground to stand on during change.

We need to lean into the deepest part of ourselves to frame issues and our thinking right now

Berry Lieberman – Myths, Morals and Money Podcast

After school drop-off, I saw an acquaintance and we talked. Our conversation was different to our usual chit-chat.

We spoke about what we envisioned for the future and what was likely going to work and what wasn’t. We explored possibilities and in that very moment begun to weave a different kind of future. Having shared my vision with them, and vice-versa, something was imprinted deeper because that conversation took place.

It feels like the veil has been lifted and we are being asked to truly see the world with a fresh pair of eyes.

Knowing what we know but also being open to what we don’t know is how we can be available for change and embody the vision that we have for the world.

Vision and beliefs go hand in hand so we need to keep a check on our beliefs when we start to feel disempowered about the future so that we don’t sabotage our way to change.

We need to be available for that change through our willingness to engage and participate differently in life. We need to be willing to:

  • Ask questions we didn’t ask before.
  • Notice things we didn’t notice before.
  • Try things we would not have tried before.
  • Trust our intuition more often.
  • Listen to those we may have never listened to before.
  • Educate ourselves and read, read read!

So, be open to how things can happen and how they need to change. Most importantly have a vision for how you want to see the world.

Believe in that vision. Write about it. Talk about it with others including your family, friends, community, team and even acquaintances.

Through empowered conversations we embody our vision and enact change. 

P.S. I look forward to sharing with you Empowered Conversation Podcast, launching early June. I’m excited to bring you powerful knowledge, wisdom and tools from incredible people who’ve embraced their journey and learned tough lessons along the way to empower you to live your life fully. Stay tuned!

Taking control when life feels out of control

There are things that we can control in our lives and there are things that are out of our control.

Since COVID-19, I have been closely observing and listening to people’s reactions to what is happening in the world – including my own. I have been met with anxiety, panic, grief, sadness, anger and even rage! Some of these have been my own reactions 🙂

We can’t control the current current pandemic but we can control how we deal with it.

Our internal narrative is what drives our reactions to situations and our feeling of being ‘out of control’. These internal narratives are always based on the beliefs we have about ourselves, others, the world and future.

Julian Rotter was an American psychologist who developed the locus of control theory which looks at the extent to which individuals believe they have power or control over what happens to them.

In this video I share a little more about this and how we can apply it more consciously to current times. WATCH VIDEO HERE

Those with an internal locus of control tend to attribute what happens to them to their own skills, capabilities and reactions. Their internal narrative goes something like:

“I can make things happen”

“Who can I help today?”

“What can I do to feel better?”

These people are more resilient optimistic and healthy.

Those with an external locus of control tend to believe that they don’t have much control over what happens to them.  Their internal narrative echoes:

” What’s the point?”

“It’s too hard”

“People can’t be trusted”

These people are more likely to become depressed, experience ongoing relationship problems and be immunocompromised.

While we are facing very challenging and testing times, I believe these are times of great opportunities for making conscious decisions about how we chose to live our lives. These are also times about owning who we are and what is within our power to change or make a difference, however small.

How can you become a more empowered agent in your own life, right now? 

The following questions are designed to help steer you in this direction. Take the time to go through these questions, staying present as you read them and trusting the answers that come:

  • What will help you feel more creative, inspired or hopeful?
  • Do you need to put down boundaries in relationships?
  • What is really important to you right now? What do you value right now?
  • Have you slowed down the pace of your life? What are you appreciating about it? If not, how can you slow your pace of life?
  • Are you finding new ways to connect with others?
  • Is this an opportunity to show patience, grace or selflessness in your relationships?
  • Most importantly, can you be more compassionate to your own needs? What can you do differently to honour yourself and your needs at this time?

I’m certain we are all being given opportunities to live our lives differently. More consciously, more openly yet more grounded than ever before in who we are.

If you’re interested in learning how to navigate the world of emotions, I have released a brand new self-guided course called Master Your Emotions Activate Your Brilliance . For information about the course, CLICK HERE.

Keeping your perspective during challenging times

Our emotional and physical health can be highly affected during challenging times. Whether it’s keeping up with social distancing, overwhelming feelings from media overload or learning to live with family 24/7, are all situations that can make us feel like we are going to ‘lose the plot’.

One way to bring calm or balance back into our lives is through maintaining our perspective on a situation. We can do this by choosing to acknowledge the challenge and what we may be needing to learn from it. This will help us look at the bigger picture.

This week I’ve recorded this video for you which explains four ways to help you keep your perspective.

1. Acknowledge

When we are going through changes or uncertainty, we need to acknowledge how we feel about it. Acknowledge the situation, name it and own it. How are you feeling right now? Say it out aloud! Name all of the emotions you have trapped inside your body, own it but let yourself feel it.

Often times we try and keep a facade of “I’m ok” because we think we have to be strong for everyone. In fact, this can only happen if you are honest with yourself about how you are going and what you need. Only then can you be more emotionally and physically available to others.

2. What’s working?

Look at what is working in your life. Gratitude is one way that can help us change our perspective from focusing on the problem to looking at the bigger picture. A friend of mine has started a gratitude poster where everyone in the family writes down one thing every day that they are grateful for. They’ve seen a significant shift in the energy of the house simply by focusing on what’s working for them right now. Try and incorporate a ritual gratitude into your daily life.

3. Focus on your purpose

What do you do well? Are you doing it? If not, find a way to be on more aligned with what comes naturally to you. Embrace your strengths and be creative about how you can bring them to life. For example, if you used to love coaching and mentoring people at work but find that people are not accessing you as much or seeking your support because you are all  working from home now, then reach out and make contact to see how they are going and ask if you can offer support to them.

4. Envision the future

What do you want to see change or happen after you emerge from isolation or social distancing? How would you ideally want things to be different in the world or your community? What can you do, on an individual level to start effecting change?

Start by choosing to look and accept both the difficult and the good that comes with our current situation. When we continue to develop our capacity for opposites, we  tend to experience more peace, ease and balance in our lives.   When we are more balanced, we can better effect change.

In my video I recommend the book “Man Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. I think it’s great content to read during self-isolation and I love this quote from his book:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

We can’t change the fact that we need to self-isolate or social distance to protect ourselves, our family and the greater community, but we can change the way we think, feel or sense. And this can help us connect on a deeper level to ourselves and others.

Managing the Transition

In this blog I spoke about how I could feel the movement of life happening beneath my feet. It’s an exciting time, but one that can cause a certain amount of anxiety.

Letting go of something that has been held so dear to you for so long is hard. Letting go of something that you’ve invested a lot of time or money in is especially hard. So how can we ‘go with the flow’ in this transition period to ensure that we are embracing the opportunities that lie ahead?

Embrace the emotion

This involves firstly being aware of the emotion and naming it. Is it fear? Excitement? Anger? This awareness brings the attention and energy focus to inside your body. With increased awareness comes a connection between our emotions, intellect and logic. And this is magic!

A healthy relationship with our emotions allows us to break behavioural and mindset patterns that occur in our life. It helps you feel the transition and go with it.

Practise acceptance

At the last Empowered Woman Retreat one of the participants said to me “what if I don’t agree with something going on in my life? How can I accept it?” She had become aware of the emotion attached with the situation, but her logic brain couldn’t accept it and therefore she couldn’t move past it.

My answer is you don’t have to agree with it, or like it, in order to accept it.

Radically accepting what you are feeling, experiencing or sensing will help you during this transitional period. This brings us into the present and aware of the opportunities that may normally pass us by.

Be open and conscious

Awareness, acceptance and then allowing the transition to happen automatically brings us into the present moment. When we are fully in the present, you are grateful, our enjoyment increases, the feeling of peace is more obvious, relationships improve. The list is endless! But most of all being present brings clarity which means that we are more open to seeing the possibilities that are laid out in front of us.

Transitional periods in our life can make us feel a little off balance or out of control. But by remembering to embrace, accept and be present we can bring back a sense of peace to the changes happening around and within us. And who knows where that may take you?

It’s All Part of the Journey

It’s been quite an interesting time of late!

Over the last month I’ve given myself time and space to integrate challenging emotional shifts.

I felt like I was being dealt a deck of difficult cards and I wanted to understand the rules and get on with with living my life because that’s what I do.

I wanted to grow and integrate these intense emotions quickly because I like to name my elephants and move on!

A client and I were sharing yesterday how growth, in expansive phase, can feel addictive. We love it because we feel powerful whereas contraction is something we tend to resist and usually avoid.

Contraction is when we need to slow down to integrate, feel, express and experience those intense emotions.

When we are contracting or in a state of “I don’t know what is going on or why I’m feeling what I’m feeling” we can’t see much further beyond what we are experiencing.

And just as well because when we are contracting we need to let go of what is out there and surrender to contraction or “shedding shit”-  a phrase we came to use often at our last level 2 retreat. Needless to say it was embraced by everyone! (Level 2 is a retreat for women who’ve attended The Empowered Woman Retreat ).

Contraction is important for our well-being and journey. It helps us heal and gives us insight into the next part of our journey.

But we don’t like it because we don’t like not knowing and feeling the intensity of our negative emotions.

And like with anything we don’t understand we seek to understand  by asking questions such as:

  • What does this mean?
  • What do I need to do?
  • What should I do?
  • How do I stop this or get out of this?

Staying in the question is important but challenging because it means asking but not doing. 

We ask these questions because it’s an in-built part of our growth mechanism.

There is nothing wrong with this when it’s done patiently but we mostly want to hurry the process and by-pass the experiencing and expressing part of contraction.

Yet this very process is what helps us to reposition our power. It’s how we gain insight, derive meaning and awaken our potential.

Questioning and doubting are inherent part of these experiences. They go hand in hand and their role is to help us check-in and stay aligned with our truth.

But too much self-doubt is also not good as it can lead to depression, anxiety and apathy.

When we understand the role of doubt and questioning we don’t need to have a strong hold on it.

Acknowledge it and allow yourself to drop into it without having to have a hold on what it is. We are being asked to dive deep into darkness.

Stay in doubt but do so with trust. Know that doubt is essential.

Doubt is a gift of insight and it’s part of our inner guidance system. 

If you ready to integrate challenging and contracting times in your life, you’ll learn how to do that at The Empowered Woman Retreat. Together we will dive deep to reclaim and realign your truth and own your fears.

The early birds, ends soon. Join us for your unique powerful transformation. YOUR JOURNEY BEGINS HERE.

 

How Emotions Show Up In Your Body

Humans are intrinsically emotional beings. We are designed to express our emotions freely and openly, however many people tend to suppress emotions such as shame, fear and anger.

Whatever the reason, suppressing emotions can have an impact on your physical as well as mental health. It can show up in tense muscles in your neck and shoulders, inflammation, chronic health problems and even gut issues.

When we are emotionally triggered, or charged, we also end up projecting on to others unresolved or suppressed emotions. This is a missed opportunity for growth.

In my new 6- week course Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance we explore this notion further; of how negative emotions can manifest in our body if left unresolved.

I’m looking forward to our first group call for my new program Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance. This group call has been postponed for 18th September at 8pm AEST.  So it’s not too late to enrol!

Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance

This course is for you if you ready to:

  • Better manage your emotions;
  • Learn tools to deal with other people’s confronting emotions;
  • Stop feeling ’emotionally drained’;
  • Discover more about yourself through the powerful language of your emotions.

If you have any questions about the program, please feel free to reply to this email and ask away!

Or register for the course here: MASTER YOUR EMOTIONS – ACTIVATE YOUR BRILLIANCE

Look forward to helping you activate your brilliance.

The Next Step

Most of us are good at understanding our emotions but unfortunately, we are not that great at experiencing and expressing what we feel. We know when we are angry, fearful or hurt and why it happened. And that’s great!

But what do you do with this?

If we don’t give ourselves permission to feel the emotion or express how we feel, then it leaks into all areas of our life. Anger left to simmer turns into resentment. Fear left unexpressed can turn into deep anxiety. Hurt left untouched can manifest in hostility. All very powerful emotions that continue to build in our lives and affect our relationships and prevent us from living our best lives.

So how can we stop this from happening?

We need to allow ourselves to firstly feel the emotion. It’s ok to feel these ‘negative’ emotions. Don’t brush it aside and move on. Feeling and reflecting are the key to firstly unlock the emotion. (If you missed my recent Masterclass on how to do this, you can watch the replay here).

The next step is to master your emotions.

By this I mean understanding how to turn your emotions around and lift that heavy feeling that gets lodged in your body when you hang on to emotions that do not serve you. When we master our emotions, it allows us the freedom to reconnect to ourselves. And that is truly liberating!

Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance is my new 6 week program that can help you do exactly this.

With a combination of self study and weekly access to me through live group calls you will learn how to:

  • Use emotions intelligently;
  • Understand the purpose of different emotions;
  • Better understand your emotions;
  • Express and experience your emotions;
  • Change your emotions;

Use reflection when trying to understand our emotions.

Master Your Emotions, Activate Your Brilliance

Program starts Wednesday 28 August, so grab your spot now!

I look forward to helping you lift the weight of your emotions so you can reconnect to the woman you are supposed to be.

Curiosity Doesn’t Kill You. It Makes You Stronger

Life is one big learning curve. We are constantly thrown challenges to overcome and obstacles to manoeuvre around. How we learn from these challenges and integrate them into our lives is entirely up to us.

Part of our challenge is consciously deciding how to use these lessons to embrace our unique journey. To do this requires curiosity and presence to the unknown.

If you’re feeling curious on how to step into your challenges and emotions, join me for an hour in my live Masterclass “Unlock the Power of Your Emotions“.

How can you be curious today? You may like to journal on or think about:

  • Who you are in this point of your life
  • What things are important to you
  • Why you feel the way you do
  • How to learn more about yourself from the challenges you face
  • The reason these changes are happening

Such big, hairy questions and answering them is easier said than done!

At the core of these questions is that knowing ourselves is an inside job. We can start on the outside of course, but it will all eventually lead us to the work that is needed to be done on the inside.

It is our responsibility to claim ourselves. No one else can do it for us. The question is though, how do we actually make a start? Make the first step towards change and a more purposeful life?

Unlock the Power of Your Emotions” will provide you with the knowledge and tools to learn to trust and connect with yourself and begin to feel more confident. You will get clarity on feelings or sensations you don’t yet understand to move towards a more purposeful life.

Join me at 8pm on Wednesday 31 July. You can reserve your spot here. I can’t wait to share your curiosity with you!