right kind of anger

The Power of the Right Kind of Anger

How do you get angry?

Do you let it build up and then blow up?

Smile through it? Common amongst women.

Do you clear your throat because you want to say something but find it hard to express what you truly feel and think?

These are all defences to anger. And at some point we’ve each experienced a defensive reaction in response to anger.

Now, let’s be fair to our defences. When they were initially formed their purpose was to protect us from being further hurt or overwhelmed either by a person, event or our own emotions.

But usually we end up having defensive reactions well past their initial need which end up hurting us.

Anger is a basic primary emotion and it’s important just like all the other emotions. It helps us to take action, speak up and make changes.

But anger is not aggression. People can often confuse the two which is part of the reason why some people find it hard to express anger: they associate it with a threat to their emotional or physical safety because of how anger was expressed, or not expressed, in their family home while growing up.

It’s challenging to feel into the intensity of our anger.

The power of truly feeling our anger is at the core of being able to feel into our passion, true identity and what we value and believe in. It’s acting on that and speaking from that place. 

Denying our anger is denying our identity, our voice, and passion for life. It is fuel for change.

So how do we feel into our anger? 

To feel our anger is to feel into the energy of anger. We need to sensations and the emotion itself.

We need to notice, feel and sense when anger arises, where it travels, where is expands and where and if it fizzles out. It means staying with anger and feeling into every bit of it.

You may notice that anger arises in your stomach, the solar plexus region. It may then expand into your chest and throat. Legs can also feel activated as can other parts of your body.

For some anger may stop in the throat and feel like it’s blocked which is why some people have the need to clear their throat. It helps them to manage this block.

Once we sense anger, the trick is not to try to get rid of it, push it out, scream it out, breathe it out vigorously or cry it out.

Although these tools can be helpful in managing anger they won’t help you learn how to purposefully use the energy of anger because the energy of anger would have dissipated. In other words, you would have lost fuel.

When we feel anger, the idea is to expand it into every part of our body. 

This  may seem initially counter-intuitive but when we use our whole body as a container for our emotions, rather than just one small portion of the body, it becomes easier to tolerate intense emotions and even stay with them for longer.

This approach is based on Integral Somatic Psychology developed by Dr Raja Selvam. I’m grateful for this training because it’s an accelerated approach to working with your emotions.

When we learn to expand our emotions, we notice that some situations don’t seem to affect us the way they one used to.

Initially, this expansion of anger, or any other emotion for that matter, positive or negative, can feel overwhelming. Essentially we are practicing gradual exposure to something which feels unpleasant or bad.

If you would like to learn more about this approach or even be guided through it to help you better experience and express your emotions, feel free to contact me and we can have a chat to see if this approach is right for you.

Remember, when we can be present in who we are we can truly be in our power and on purpose. Embodying our emotions will help us do just that. This is the way forward.

what is your story

What’s Your Story?

What is your story? Is it a past hurt? A long forgotten dream? Or an exciting idea?

When a story remains untold, we keep the doors locked on our true potential. Unless you share your story, you can never fully know yourself. Telling your story will give you strength and courage to step into your greatness and go for what you really want.

Because really, the sky’s the limit.

In each story there are metaphors, symbols, lessons and threads of wisdom that touch us in different ways. And that’s exactly what I hope my new podcast Empowered Conversations will do. Expand your thinking and inspire you to search for greater meaning and purpose in your life.

Join me every week as we unfold our stories through Empowered Conversations, with special guests who openly share a part of their story and journey.

Do you think that you could contribute to an Empowered Conversation? Or do you know someone who can? As a guest you’ll be able to:

  • Authentically share your personal journey and lessons learned
  • Be unscripted and open to the unknowns of where our conversation may take us
  • Share your knowledge and wisdom to inspire and uplift others on their journey

Contact me here if you’d like more information.

In the meantime, search for Empowered Conversations on your favourite podcast platform (or access via this link), subscribe and leave a review and you’ll be in the running to win 1 of 2 of my most popular online courses Master Your Emotions – Activate Your Brilliance worth $197. Two winners will be randomly drawn at the end of the month.

I’m looking forward to sharing the stories of my beautiful guests, who range from doctors to neuroscientists to small business owners. They all have an important message to share and I know that the energy of their words will inspire and uplift you.

share our story

Let’s share our story

Humans are hard-wired for connection and community. Since the beginning of time, sharing stories has been at the heart of our connection.

Everyone has a story and everyone’s story is worth sharing. When we share our story and speak from our core we are destined to impact and uplift those who need it most. It helps us to learn, to grow, to inspire and to embody our purpose.

Believe it or not, your story plays a bigger part in life than your realise. Don’t underestimate it.

My new podcast Empowered Conversations gives voice to these stories. And there are so many to share! Every week a new guest will join me in an honest and unscripted conversation about their journey, knowledge and share part of their story.

As part of the launch of Empowered Conversations, I’m giving two people access to my online course Master Your Emotions – Activate Your Brilliance worth $197 each. To be in the draw to win, all you need to do is subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform. Search for Empowered Conversations, or follow this link to listen to the first episode.

I can’t wait to hear what you think about Empowered Conversations.

Empowered Conversations

verb: empower: make (someone) stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights.

noun: conversation: a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged.

Having conversations, talking and listening is part of what I do everyday. I ask questions, challenge and explore with my clients. These conversations are not always easy, but are needed for growth and to live a more fulfilled life.

When our conversations become empowered we feel uplifted, motivated and inspired. We become more aware of ourselves and others and are open to opportunities and personal growth.

Through empowered conversations we embody our vision and can enact change.

Imagine what would it be like if you could listen in on an empowered conversation regularly? Now you can!

I’ve just launched my Empowered Conversations Podcast. On the podcast I speak to some incredible people who have embraced their journey, learnt some tough lessons and come out the other side empowered humans.

Listen in on our conversations as we take you on a journey of your own personal growth and self-discovery.  My special guests have been open and honest in sharing their story and I know that they will inspire you to live a fuller and more meaningful life.

I choose them to be on the podcast because they are remarkable individuals.

From doctors to neuroscientists to small business owners, they all have an important message to share.

In fact, we all have a story and everyone’s story is worth sharing.

When we share our story and speak from our core we are destined to impact and uplift those who need it most.

Sharing our story also helps us understand what is truly important to us, to refocus on our purpose and reaffirm our vision.

I believe that words carry vibrations and energy, so I’m sure you’ll find listening to these Empowered Conversations a positive and inspiring experience that will leave an impression on your own personal journey.

Join me every week as I chat to my special guests in an unscripted, Empowered Conversation. You can listen and subscribe to Empowered Conversations on your favourite platform here.

Where to from here?

This morning, on my way to school drop-off,  I noticed how ordinary life seemed: kids returning to school, parents chatting to each other, others heading to work, streets bustling with cars and cafes filling up with people again. Life appeared like everything was back to normal.

But while things may look much the same, they feel very different. Something has been effaced. The energy of how things were, is no longer.

Life seems stranger and more mysterious. There is nothing to grip onto, to get a handle on, so as to say “Aaah yes, this is how things are now”.

Our minds are trying to make sense so that we can get on with life.

But what got us here isn’t going to help us move forward anymore.

We are so used to making sense from the outside in. When we are met with something, we course-adjust using external guidepost. We look for answers on the outside.

Those willing to make sense from within will learn to adjust, adapt and trust the change. I can see this from my clients. Those willing to recognise and own their defenses have a much more solid ground to stand on during change.

We need to lean into the deepest part of ourselves to frame issues and our thinking right now

Berry Lieberman – Myths, Morals and Money Podcast

After school drop-off, I saw an acquaintance and we talked. Our conversation was different to our usual chit-chat.

We spoke about what we envisioned for the future and what was likely going to work and what wasn’t. We explored possibilities and in that very moment begun to weave a different kind of future. Having shared my vision with them, and vice-versa, something was imprinted deeper because that conversation took place.

It feels like the veil has been lifted and we are being asked to truly see the world with a fresh pair of eyes.

Knowing what we know but also being open to what we don’t know is how we can be available for change and embody the vision that we have for the world.

Vision and beliefs go hand in hand so we need to keep a check on our beliefs when we start to feel disempowered about the future so that we don’t sabotage our way to change.

We need to be available for that change through our willingness to engage and participate differently in life. We need to be willing to:

  • Ask questions we didn’t ask before.
  • Notice things we didn’t notice before.
  • Try things we would not have tried before.
  • Trust our intuition more often.
  • Listen to those we may have never listened to before.
  • Educate ourselves and read, read read!

So, be open to how things can happen and how they need to change. Most importantly have a vision for how you want to see the world.

Believe in that vision. Write about it. Talk about it with others including your family, friends, community, team and even acquaintances.

Through empowered conversations we embody our vision and enact change. 

P.S. I look forward to sharing with you Empowered Conversation Podcast, launching early June. I’m excited to bring you powerful knowledge, wisdom and tools from incredible people who’ve embraced their journey and learned tough lessons along the way to empower you to live your life fully. Stay tuned!

How do you grow in times like these

How do we grow in times like these?

We suck at allowing ourselves to get close to our pain and letting ourselves experience and express how bad it really feels.

We are reactive. Quick to judge and fix it because this, to some degree, masks the intensity of our pain, but only in the short term.

 

We are quick to not let the impact of what is happening reverberate through our spine, the message-carrier of our innate intelligence. We block it.

 

We feel a sensation in our spine, or some sharp nudging in another part of our body, and we swiftly move to try to fix it or stop the pain.

We react. We fill the gaps of silence. We jump to the next thought, never really allowing space nor time for all the ‘in-between’ to be and unravel itself.

 

Thus, never allowing the richness of our innate intelligence to speak to us from the very depths of our core.

 

And yet, it is in the ‘in-between’, where we never quite stay long enough, where integration and possibility lie dormant waiting for our full attention.  This is the space of growth and new intelligence. A new insight and vision.

 

Creativity and innovation are born from this very place. 

 

Not a rushed, quick, adrenalin-driven, product-focused innovation.  But one given time to fully unravel its true offerings. Something much more profound, discerning and impassioned.

 

We are on the verge of sensing and feeling much more than has ever been possible in the human history because we have evolved over the years.

 

The hardest things that we are having to learn right now, almost by sheer force, is the law of acceptance: the need to accept the opposites in life. The polarities of nature.

 

The only way forward is to see each others’ differences so that we can reclaim our true nature. Our incredible potential as human beings.

 

Yet, to truly do so,  we need to open up to seeing the other side of who we are, from within because:

 

Life exists as the result of tension between two extremes – male and female – positive and negative – yang and yin – pingala and ida – right and left breath – qualitative and quantitative. – Randolph Stone.

 

When we look within and accept the pain, or some dislike and judgment, we can look each other in the eyes and see each other as we are- not some projected chasm of our inner chaos.  For when see I myself whole, I see you whole.

 

I become curious about you. I want to know you and the gifts and differences that you bring to the world. I want to know you for you. And then, together we let something new, something unforeseeable transpire. Together, we become a part of global tapestry of change.

 

This starts with a conscious commitment to bringing different parts of ourselves into a greater whole. In other words, accepting ourselves as we are now in this moment. No buts, ifs, or when. Full stop.

 

So, how can you commit, on a whole new level, to more acceptance, growth, fortitude and trust?

 

Here are my seven commitments, my personal decelerations, that guide me in life and help me stay open and more accepting so I continue to learn and grow:

  1. I choose to see many sides of truth, not just mine. The minute I clutch to my truth, I ignore and judge another, thereby denying my own growth.
  2. I accept others’ differences and opposing views, even if I don’t agree with them. I can still stand in who I am.
  3. I stand up for myself and what I believe in. This needs no defending because it’s backed by integrity.
  4. There are many possibilities to a situation or a problem. It’s not so much my choice that I focus on but my intention instead. From there, the choice becomes clear.
  5. I don’t have all the answers but I have what I need in this given moment to be the best I can be and to live a full life.
  6. I know what I know. I don’t know what I don’t know. I’m a student of life like everyone else.
  7. I am enough.

What are you committed to in this life? What guides you day-in-and day-out? What brings you peace at night?

 

Make this a little conscious, even write it down, and bring it to the forefront of everything you do and let it be your motivator for change and service to others.

Taking control when life feels out of control

There are things that we can control in our lives and there are things that are out of our control.

Since COVID-19, I have been closely observing and listening to people’s reactions to what is happening in the world – including my own. I have been met with anxiety, panic, grief, sadness, anger and even rage! Some of these have been my own reactions 🙂

We can’t control the current current pandemic but we can control how we deal with it.

Our internal narrative is what drives our reactions to situations and our feeling of being ‘out of control’. These internal narratives are always based on the beliefs we have about ourselves, others, the world and future.

Julian Rotter was an American psychologist who developed the locus of control theory which looks at the extent to which individuals believe they have power or control over what happens to them.

In this video I share a little more about this and how we can apply it more consciously to current times. WATCH VIDEO HERE

Those with an internal locus of control tend to attribute what happens to them to their own skills, capabilities and reactions. Their internal narrative goes something like:

“I can make things happen”

“Who can I help today?”

“What can I do to feel better?”

These people are more resilient optimistic and healthy.

Those with an external locus of control tend to believe that they don’t have much control over what happens to them.  Their internal narrative echoes:

” What’s the point?”

“It’s too hard”

“People can’t be trusted”

These people are more likely to become depressed, experience ongoing relationship problems and be immunocompromised.

While we are facing very challenging and testing times, I believe these are times of great opportunities for making conscious decisions about how we chose to live our lives. These are also times about owning who we are and what is within our power to change or make a difference, however small.

How can you become a more empowered agent in your own life, right now? 

The following questions are designed to help steer you in this direction. Take the time to go through these questions, staying present as you read them and trusting the answers that come:

  • What will help you feel more creative, inspired or hopeful?
  • Do you need to put down boundaries in relationships?
  • What is really important to you right now? What do you value right now?
  • Have you slowed down the pace of your life? What are you appreciating about it? If not, how can you slow your pace of life?
  • Are you finding new ways to connect with others?
  • Is this an opportunity to show patience, grace or selflessness in your relationships?
  • Most importantly, can you be more compassionate to your own needs? What can you do differently to honour yourself and your needs at this time?

I’m certain we are all being given opportunities to live our lives differently. More consciously, more openly yet more grounded than ever before in who we are.

If you’re interested in learning how to navigate the world of emotions, I have released a brand new self-guided course called Master Your Emotions Activate Your Brilliance . For information about the course, CLICK HERE.

Keeping your perspective during challenging times

Our emotional and physical health can be highly affected during challenging times. Whether it’s keeping up with social distancing, overwhelming feelings from media overload or learning to live with family 24/7, are all situations that can make us feel like we are going to ‘lose the plot’.

One way to bring calm or balance back into our lives is through maintaining our perspective on a situation. We can do this by choosing to acknowledge the challenge and what we may be needing to learn from it. This will help us look at the bigger picture.

This week I’ve recorded this video for you which explains four ways to help you keep your perspective.

1. Acknowledge

When we are going through changes or uncertainty, we need to acknowledge how we feel about it. Acknowledge the situation, name it and own it. How are you feeling right now? Say it out aloud! Name all of the emotions you have trapped inside your body, own it but let yourself feel it.

Often times we try and keep a facade of “I’m ok” because we think we have to be strong for everyone. In fact, this can only happen if you are honest with yourself about how you are going and what you need. Only then can you be more emotionally and physically available to others.

2. What’s working?

Look at what is working in your life. Gratitude is one way that can help us change our perspective from focusing on the problem to looking at the bigger picture. A friend of mine has started a gratitude poster where everyone in the family writes down one thing every day that they are grateful for. They’ve seen a significant shift in the energy of the house simply by focusing on what’s working for them right now. Try and incorporate a ritual gratitude into your daily life.

3. Focus on your purpose

What do you do well? Are you doing it? If not, find a way to be on more aligned with what comes naturally to you. Embrace your strengths and be creative about how you can bring them to life. For example, if you used to love coaching and mentoring people at work but find that people are not accessing you as much or seeking your support because you are all  working from home now, then reach out and make contact to see how they are going and ask if you can offer support to them.

4. Envision the future

What do you want to see change or happen after you emerge from isolation or social distancing? How would you ideally want things to be different in the world or your community? What can you do, on an individual level to start effecting change?

Start by choosing to look and accept both the difficult and the good that comes with our current situation. When we continue to develop our capacity for opposites, we  tend to experience more peace, ease and balance in our lives.   When we are more balanced, we can better effect change.

In my video I recommend the book “Man Search for Meaning” by Victor Frankl. I think it’s great content to read during self-isolation and I love this quote from his book:

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

We can’t change the fact that we need to self-isolate or social distance to protect ourselves, our family and the greater community, but we can change the way we think, feel or sense. And this can help us connect on a deeper level to ourselves and others.

Quieten the Chaos

There is no doubt that this moment in time is a turning point, both globally and individually.

When everything around us is feeling out of control and chaotic, how can you quieten the storm within? The news is full of fear and uncertainty, peoples’ behaviour is questionable at best and buying groceries is a mammoth task.

This week I wanted to share my personal message for you in this video. I am thinking of you.

Now is the time to go internal, to quieten the noise around us and process what’s going on. I’ve been spending time being mindful of what serves me and what doesn’t. I encourage you to do the same – to be careful of what you allow into your space right now, as this is something that you can control.

How much media are you watching? Media uses emotionally laden language which can trigger us into polarised thinking. If you notice yourself doing this it means the reptilian part of the brain is driving your behaviour. ie Fight or flight. This heightened state of emotion is not healthy for sustained periods of time.

What kind of conversations are you having or listening in on?  Are these conversations uplifting and positive? Or do they serve to fuel the anxiety of what is happening?

This is not to say that we have to try and omit all negativity from our lives entirely. We still need to process and embody our emotions so that we can learn how to experience, feel and express our emotions in a regulated way. I have a great resource on this topic that I will upload to my website soon.

With this in mind, here are a few practical tips on making it through these challenging times with a renewed sense of purpose.

Find something you can ground yourself in

Getting out in nature is a beautiful way to ground yourself. A brisk walk around the block will help with a sense of perspective. Also finding something you believe in that will give you hope such as faith, religion, prayer or meditation.

Channel the anxiety

In time of unknown, channel some of your anxiety/stress into creating a positive change. This week I cleaned out our home office to make it more conducive for our kids’ home learning.

Practise acceptance

Yes, these are challenging times for us all, but accepting the situation will allow us to let go of the stuff that just does not serve us. It doesn’t mean that we have to agree with what is happening! But acceptance creates more space for ourselves, so we can more easily start to feel more at peace, or create that sense of peace.

Focus on your emotions

Right now there is a greater need for processing, grounding and clearing our emotional highways. We be even more conscious of practising meditation, breath work, writing, movement or whatever it is that helps us feel and shift our emotions.

Use the situation to set new intentions

Now is a powerful time for setting intentions. It can give you perspective into what is important in your life, what matters and how you wish to see the future.

There is a lot for us to process and many other people in our lives are feeling the same way. Give yourself the space and time. Your future self will thank you for it.

 

 

 

 

Managing the Transition

In this blog I spoke about how I could feel the movement of life happening beneath my feet. It’s an exciting time, but one that can cause a certain amount of anxiety.

Letting go of something that has been held so dear to you for so long is hard. Letting go of something that you’ve invested a lot of time or money in is especially hard. So how can we ‘go with the flow’ in this transition period to ensure that we are embracing the opportunities that lie ahead?

Embrace the emotion

This involves firstly being aware of the emotion and naming it. Is it fear? Excitement? Anger? This awareness brings the attention and energy focus to inside your body. With increased awareness comes a connection between our emotions, intellect and logic. And this is magic!

A healthy relationship with our emotions allows us to break behavioural and mindset patterns that occur in our life. It helps you feel the transition and go with it.

Practise acceptance

At the last Empowered Woman Retreat one of the participants said to me “what if I don’t agree with something going on in my life? How can I accept it?” She had become aware of the emotion attached with the situation, but her logic brain couldn’t accept it and therefore she couldn’t move past it.

My answer is you don’t have to agree with it, or like it, in order to accept it.

Radically accepting what you are feeling, experiencing or sensing will help you during this transitional period. This brings us into the present and aware of the opportunities that may normally pass us by.

Be open and conscious

Awareness, acceptance and then allowing the transition to happen automatically brings us into the present moment. When we are fully in the present, you are grateful, our enjoyment increases, the feeling of peace is more obvious, relationships improve. The list is endless! But most of all being present brings clarity which means that we are more open to seeing the possibilities that are laid out in front of us.

Transitional periods in our life can make us feel a little off balance or out of control. But by remembering to embrace, accept and be present we can bring back a sense of peace to the changes happening around and within us. And who knows where that may take you?